cheryl
Administrator
Staff member
What to Say to Someone Who Lost a Parent or Loved One - Fatherly
Because finding the right words can be very difficult.
The death of a parent or loved one is one of the most traumatic moments in a person’s life. It is a wholly transformative event, one that requires time to come to terms with, frequently alters behavior, and sometimes necessitates the editing of the stories adults tell themselves about themselves. And the experience of grief does not end. Mourning continues, in one form or another, for the rest of life. So what do you say to someone who lost a parent or loved one?
There are some common scripts detailing how to respond to the death of someone’s parent or loved one in the public domain. These tend to correspond with different kinds of mortality events. When an older parent dies of natural causes, we say “It was his time.” When a younger parent dies unexpectedly, we ask what we can do to help. But the former response is an invalidation of emotions and the latter represents an avoidance of the topic. In other words, leaning on clichés is a poor approach. All the more reason to identify the core sentiment and work to ensure that conversations or notes or even quick remarks at a funeral succinctly and appropriately communicate it.
So, what’s the correct thing to say to someone whose parent died? There are many potential answers but all are derivative of the same goal: communicating empathy and offering assistance, empathizing with what a person is going through, understanding what a person might need from you, and knowing how to phrase sentiments the right way.
Because finding the right words can be very difficult.
The death of a parent or loved one is one of the most traumatic moments in a person’s life. It is a wholly transformative event, one that requires time to come to terms with, frequently alters behavior, and sometimes necessitates the editing of the stories adults tell themselves about themselves. And the experience of grief does not end. Mourning continues, in one form or another, for the rest of life. So what do you say to someone who lost a parent or loved one?
There are some common scripts detailing how to respond to the death of someone’s parent or loved one in the public domain. These tend to correspond with different kinds of mortality events. When an older parent dies of natural causes, we say “It was his time.” When a younger parent dies unexpectedly, we ask what we can do to help. But the former response is an invalidation of emotions and the latter represents an avoidance of the topic. In other words, leaning on clichés is a poor approach. All the more reason to identify the core sentiment and work to ensure that conversations or notes or even quick remarks at a funeral succinctly and appropriately communicate it.
So, what’s the correct thing to say to someone whose parent died? There are many potential answers but all are derivative of the same goal: communicating empathy and offering assistance, empathizing with what a person is going through, understanding what a person might need from you, and knowing how to phrase sentiments the right way.