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Inside the Delightfully Quirky, Absolutely Fabulous, and Utterly Exhausting World of Cruise Performers - Esquire
Welcome to the new vaudeville circuit, where live entertainment hasn't died—it's just gone to sea.
n the final night of a Caribbean cruise in March, the Regal Princess is charging home from Cozumel to Fort Lauderdale and the ship’s three-story atrium is thrumming with energy. The night before, a voting ballot was left on each passenger’s pillow, next to a red-foiled chocolate. Now it feels like all 4,109 of us—almost twice the number on the Titanic—are here, spilling over spiral staircases and brass railings. Babies in strollers loll next to seniors in wheelchairs. A netted balloon drop bulges expectantly overhead. A full band and eighteen dancers from the ship’s Broadway-style show vogue and vamp, juicing up the crowd.
The tuxedoed cruise director struts in like a boxing emcee. “You’ve been seeing them allllll week,” he booms, clutching an envelope. “Now let’s welcome back our four nomineeees!”
The passengers cheer as four of the world’s best cruise entertainers walk into the glare of a spotlight: British singer-comedian Jo Little sparkles like a disco ball in a glitzy red dress. Dapper quartet The Modern Gentlemen, who spent the last fourteen years crooning behind Frankie Valli, wink at the crowd, making the golden girls scream. Acrobatic piano man Tom Franek, wearing a near-bioluminescent pink suit, pulls grins so rubbery he seems Pixar-animated. Finally, the steely illusionist Michael Barron glides in serenely, as if he already knows whose name is inside the cruise director’s envelope.
Welcome to the new vaudeville circuit, where live entertainment hasn't died—it's just gone to sea.
n the final night of a Caribbean cruise in March, the Regal Princess is charging home from Cozumel to Fort Lauderdale and the ship’s three-story atrium is thrumming with energy. The night before, a voting ballot was left on each passenger’s pillow, next to a red-foiled chocolate. Now it feels like all 4,109 of us—almost twice the number on the Titanic—are here, spilling over spiral staircases and brass railings. Babies in strollers loll next to seniors in wheelchairs. A netted balloon drop bulges expectantly overhead. A full band and eighteen dancers from the ship’s Broadway-style show vogue and vamp, juicing up the crowd.
The tuxedoed cruise director struts in like a boxing emcee. “You’ve been seeing them allllll week,” he booms, clutching an envelope. “Now let’s welcome back our four nomineeees!”
The passengers cheer as four of the world’s best cruise entertainers walk into the glare of a spotlight: British singer-comedian Jo Little sparkles like a disco ball in a glitzy red dress. Dapper quartet The Modern Gentlemen, who spent the last fourteen years crooning behind Frankie Valli, wink at the crowd, making the golden girls scream. Acrobatic piano man Tom Franek, wearing a near-bioluminescent pink suit, pulls grins so rubbery he seems Pixar-animated. Finally, the steely illusionist Michael Barron glides in serenely, as if he already knows whose name is inside the cruise director’s envelope.