cheryl
Administrator
Staff member
My Wife’s Enemies Are Now My Enemies, Too - The Cut
No one tells you about the other in-laws you acquire when you get married.
Until about five years ago, I got along with basically everyone. Sometimes, I knew, people didn’t care for me, but my impeccable get-along instincts and crushing fear of confrontation prevented things from coming to a head very often. And if I didn’t like someone, I’d try to never let them know, because even if the sight of them made my stomach curdle, I still wanted them to like me. I’d attempt to wear them down with relentless kindness until one of us moved to another city or died. But all that changed when I met my wife, who taught me the fine art of having enemies.
Here’s the thing. Under the best circumstances, as a relationship progresses, your life merges gently with your partner’s. Your friends become each other’s friends. Your families become one another’s families to whatever extent is desirable or possible. You grow in your capacity for joy and love, as well as their corollaries, the potential for loss and grief.
All this is common knowledge. A truth less frequently expressed is that along with your expanding set of group text chains and work parties and framed concert posters, you acquire an increasingly vast assortment of enemies. Enemies-in-law, to put it more precisely. Childhood bullies. Estranged best friends. Snotty adult cousins. Professional nemeses. Celebrity grudges. Unaffectionate neighborhood dogs. These may be your partners’ enemies, and if you’re devoted, they’ll become your enemies too.
No one tells you about the other in-laws you acquire when you get married.
Until about five years ago, I got along with basically everyone. Sometimes, I knew, people didn’t care for me, but my impeccable get-along instincts and crushing fear of confrontation prevented things from coming to a head very often. And if I didn’t like someone, I’d try to never let them know, because even if the sight of them made my stomach curdle, I still wanted them to like me. I’d attempt to wear them down with relentless kindness until one of us moved to another city or died. But all that changed when I met my wife, who taught me the fine art of having enemies.
Here’s the thing. Under the best circumstances, as a relationship progresses, your life merges gently with your partner’s. Your friends become each other’s friends. Your families become one another’s families to whatever extent is desirable or possible. You grow in your capacity for joy and love, as well as their corollaries, the potential for loss and grief.
All this is common knowledge. A truth less frequently expressed is that along with your expanding set of group text chains and work parties and framed concert posters, you acquire an increasingly vast assortment of enemies. Enemies-in-law, to put it more precisely. Childhood bullies. Estranged best friends. Snotty adult cousins. Professional nemeses. Celebrity grudges. Unaffectionate neighborhood dogs. These may be your partners’ enemies, and if you’re devoted, they’ll become your enemies too.